Breaking busy to find contentment
Have you ever found yourself caught in the cycle of doing everything for everyone, convinced that your value lies in how much you give?
That was me—always busy, always overcommitted, believing that by sacrificing myself, I could earn love and acceptance. But then, one day, I woke up and realized something that shook me to my core: I was enabling codependency in all my relationships. I wasn’t just helping others; I was trying to control them, using my overgiving as a way to feel needed and valuable. It was a tough realization, but it marked the beginning of a profound transformation in my life.
Keep reading to discover
How overcommitting fractures your time and energy, blocking real progress.
Embracing your current patterns empowers you to make new choices.
True happiness comes from curiosity and living in alignment with your values.
Overcommitment: The silent saboteur of progress
For years, I was the person who never said no. I kept myself perpetually busy, running from one task to another, over-giving to my family and clients, and squeezing every last drop of energy out of my day. I thought that being busy made me important. I believed that by doing more, I was somehow proving my worth. But in reality, I was fracturing my time and energy so much that I couldn’t gain true momentum in anything.
It wasn’t until I hit a wall—emotionally, mentally, and physically—that I started to see the truth. I realized that my overcommitting wasn’t just about poor time management; it was about a deep, subconscious belief that I had to do everything for everyone to be worthy of love and acceptance.
Secretly, I liked being the one who saved the day because, in my mind, it meant people would owe me something in return, even if it was just their appreciation or loyalty.
That was a harsh truth to face. But once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it. I had to confront the fact that I was using my overcommitting to control others and avoid facing my own feelings of inadequacy.
Overcommitting was my way of outsourcing self-acceptance. By filling my schedule with endless tasks, I didn’t have to face the uncomfortable truth that I didn’t feel worthy as I was. Slowing down and letting others take responsibility wasn’t just a time management choice—it was an act of reclaiming my self-worth.
The power of self-awareness and acceptance
Admitting that I secretly enjoyed the role of the martyr—of being the one who sacrificed the most—was a hard pill to swallow at first. But deep down, it was liberating. Once I accepted this my secret desires, I stopped blaming others for why I felt stuck or blocked. I realized that if I chose to be in the predicament I was in of putting everyone else first, then I could choose differently. I started to feel less like a victim and more empowered.
This journey led me to close my design business, which was incredibly hard. I had to let people down, something I had always feared doing. But in closing that business and slowing down drastically, I had space to see myself more clearly. I remembered who I truly was: a divine spiritual being with a purpose that didn’t require me to sacrifice myself for others in order to be worthy. I started to shift my inner dialogue from a constant stream of negativity and self-judgement to one of curiosity.
I began to ask myself, “What else could be true about this situation?”
This simple question opened up new possibilities. I stopped seeing myself as a victim of my circumstances and started to view my experiences as opportunities for growth. Acceptance isn’t about giving up; it’s about embracing where you are so you can consciously choose your next step. When I stopped looking to others to validate my worth and started accepting myself as innately valuable, I found the freedom to make new, empowered choices.
The wisdom of the Farmer: Your story isn’t over
One of the most impactful lessons I’ve learned comes from an old Chinese proverb about a farmer who experiences a series of events that his neighbors quickly label as good or bad. When the farmer’s horse runs away, his neighbors express their sympathy, saying, “What bad luck!” But the farmer simply responds, “Maybe so, maybe not.”
A few days later, the horse returns with a group of wild horses, and the neighbors exclaim, “What great luck!” Again, the farmer replies, “Maybe so, maybe not.”
Then, the farmer’s son tries to tame one of the wild horses and breaks his leg in the process. The neighbors once more offer their sympathy, saying, “What terrible luck!” But the farmer’s response remains the same: “Maybe so, maybe not.”
Finally, the army comes to the village to recruit young men for a war, but they pass over the farmer’s son because of his broken leg. The neighbors congratulate the farmer on his good fortune, and again he says, “Maybe so, maybe not.”
This story has stayed with me because it teaches a powerful lesson:
We often rush to judge our current life experience as good or bad, but the truth is, we don’t know how it will play out in the long run. What seems like a setback today could be the very thing that is our greatest blessing tomorrow.
Contentment is a choice that become easier when we stop judging our experiences and start choosing to live with openness and curiosity. By accepting where we are and embracing the unknown, we create the mental and emotional space needed to cultivate these positive states.
Choosing joy and contentment: A daily practice
Through this journey, I’ve learned that true happiness, joy, and contentment aren’t just feelings that happen to us—they are choices we make every day. It’s hard to achieve these states from a place of negativity or self-doubt, but when we accept where we are and approach life with curiosity and openness, joy comes naturally.
I’ve had to let go of the need to control everything and embrace the idea that life’s ups and downs are all part of the journey. As my inner wisdom often reminds. me, ‘All is allowed.’ By shifting my focus from what I thought I should be doing for others to what I needed to do for myself, I found a deeper sense of contentment than I ever thought possible.
Joy, happiness, and contentment are within reach for all of us, but they require us to let go of judgment and embrace who we are. When we do, we open ourselves up to the possibility that even the most challenging experiences can lead to profound growth and fulfillment.
Breaking free from the chains of codependency and overcommitting has been a hard and rewarding journey. It isn’t easy to slow down, embrace all my faults, and choose joy, but it has been worth it. I’ve learned that I am worthy of love and acceptance just as I am, and that the journey to true happiness begins with accepting myself and living each day with curiosity and openness.
If you find yourself overcommitting, seeking validation from others, or struggling to find joy, know that you’re not alone. The path to true contentment starts with acceptance—of yourself, your experiences, and the possibilities that lie ahead.
